Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Grimace - Haiku


his puckered lips spewed
black hearted verbal venom
ice cooled his onslaught

ice cooled his onslaught
as he dressed for the game
jockstrap frozen tight

jockstrap frozen tight
reflexes sharp as glass shards
hat trick wins the cup



Je suis Canadien eh :)

Cringe with more grimaces at Haiku Heights

26 comments:

  1. Oh my! I got a good visual of that one with your brilliant details. Loved your haiku! ♥

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    1. Thank you very much Kathy, I could hear the smack of sticks and couldn't resist.

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  2. This has to be something to do with ice hockey and steely codpieces:)

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    1. Aye Rall, those cold codpieces will set any man straight :)

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  3. Yes... Hockey..... Made for interesting mental images for me.... Michelle

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    1. I had fun with this Michelle, hehehehe

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  4. Wow - that pond must be frozen over!

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    1. Tis one,
      frozen over and frozen deep
      the froggies are now asleep

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  5. These r lovely visual words ... wonderfully written :-)

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    1. Thank you Amrit, it's a Canuckian thang :)

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  6. What a brilliant narrative haiku chain. But why was his jockstrap frozen? I'm not a hockey person. Is this normal?

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    1. Thanks Alice! It's not normal but when they play outside things can happen and they don't say ooopsies (insert whistling emotie thingie here)

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  7. I love this. Is there a name for this style where one stanza starts wit the last line of the stanza before? It rings a bell- reminds me a bit of a pantoum (which I'm familiar with) and a sestina (not so much).

    I've done haiku chain, but I felt compelled to listen to the rules/suggestions of HH and keep each one separate. (Though I didn't feel compelled to keep the rule/suggestion to undo word verification. Many years ago, along with a network of bloggers I was in touch with at the time, we all went for the word verification. It seems to keep out spam. I hate to turn good people away, but I fear not having this security).

    I love the freedom and comfort you have in your writing. I've been criticized by some (one) of the modern haiku gurus for sticking to 5-7-5 and for using images and doing other things they feel aren't "it" for haiku. I appreciate your confidence and style.

    At some point I thought I "invented" the haiku chain. I'm pretty sure now I didn't.

    Keep up the excellent work- a pleasure to read.You could possibly do a short story or a book all in this fashion.

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    1. Thank you Neil, I'm unsure of the exact form thought I've read of this style being called a cascade. I wrote it while listening to the smack of sticks in a backyard rink near me, all the while typing with an evil grin.
      I know the security of word verification so I turned mine off. Have comments delivered to an email and you can delete. Personally, I groan when I see them but carry on. Others have a + and I can't comment when I so wish too, their loss I figure.
      As for those who nag at you with formality, banish them from your mind. I enjoy haiku and follow the 5-7-5 and find it ooooommmming counting out with me fingers. That's what haiku is about, not to be stressed over. :)
      I do ramble at times and a story in this format is one I will ponder :)

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  8. Very cool transitions and graphic detailing♪ http://lauriekazmierczak.com/transformation/

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    1. It was a cool even cold transition Laurie, merci eh

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  9. Replies
    1. Thank you Apurva and yours was as well

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  10. Cheryl I loved this cascade of Haiku. Each one is unique.

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    1. Why thank you Usha, I wasn't sure if the story would be understood to those unaware of the bizarre traditions in my country, but it was! :)

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